i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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