we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
