That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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