i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
