I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
