I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
