In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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