he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize