you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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