I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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