i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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