my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
