if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
