um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
