gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
