There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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