what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
