take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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