I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am one with the molecules
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This toilet bowl is my home.
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