well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
