dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
