I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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