So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
