I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
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I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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