do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
