he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
