Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's never too late to be topless.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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