how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
