Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
