The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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