fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize