Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
