dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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