umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
