Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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