It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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