Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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