so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize