What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
