she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
