I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
