I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
