yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
