just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
home. puking in laundry basket.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
