I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My hand turned me down
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
