I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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