sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
