you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
