We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
