Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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