he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
