Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
