i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
