trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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