worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
