I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i've created a new STD.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
