bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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