R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
