why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
