this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
