Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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