Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
