Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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