We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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