there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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