It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
