3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
