I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
