I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
