Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
there is puke in my bra ... again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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