those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
