he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
