So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
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It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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