i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
